Atonement and LOA

I didn’t mean to almost break my foot but since Law of Attraction is always working…

Several years ago my grandma dropped a candle on the top of her foot.

When she called me for help, I was on my way to grab a stack of pizza to feed a group I was facilitating.

I told her I would drop it off and then be at her house.

She was pissed.

Should I have dropped the pizza idea and run straight to her? Or should she have waited the extra 45?

I never reconciled this.

Yesterday, when my trainer almost dropped a weight on her foot, I remembered that interaction.

I went deep inside and talked to her in the in-between. On the gym floor between shoulder presses, I acknowledged her fear and sense of lonely betrayal that I didn’t come immediately.

Sent deep love her way and to my younger self as well. Both my grandma and I confused and trying to attend to our beloveds.

Both of us failing.

Last night, I opened my fridge door and a jar fell on the top of my foot.

Goddammit, that hurt.

My kid attended to me. Brought me ice, took over dinner prep, said nice things.

Every time I have a painful accident there is a terrified loneliness that sweeps through me. The vulnerability of our bodies, coupled with feeling so alone in the terror.

I saw my grandma in that same state, fully alone in her home. Her granddaughter taking her time to arrive.

Alone. In pain. Afraid.

When my mom fell, I was there. I told her so repeatedly.

“I’m right here. Here. I’m here.”

“I got you.”

“Help is on the way.”

I did that one right.

My kid did it right for me.

This is atonement.