When They Don’t Love You As Much As You Love Them
Hi there,
Sometimes I think my partner doesn’t love me as much as I do him.
Do you know about RSD? Rejection Sensitivity Disorder? Every Neurodivergent or tender hearted person I know grapples with this. It was my hyperfocus for a few years and I know a lottttt about it and how to resolve it.
Feeling like you’re not loved enough or as much is a component of RSD.
It’s not real, but it sure feels like it.
In my case, I know it’s not real because of these three things:
A. It feels awful when I believe it.
Anything that feels awful isn’t useful.
I find myself trying to be cool in my most important relationship. The one place I feel most like myself. Except when I’m buried under this dark belief and attendant feelings.
Then I’m off kilter and withdrawn and embarrassed at how insecure I feel. To compensate, I try to be cool which is an impossible proposition.
B. It’s impossible to quantify.
How can you possibly know what two people are feeling in order to measure the love inside?
Do you measure the size of fond feelings? All of my feelings are huge.
Do you measure the way each show love? Everyone’s love personality is a little bit different. My partner loves to cook for me. I love to rub his forehead. We’re different people with different demonstrations. As soon as I think he should do for me what I do for him, we’re in trouble.
C. I can feel like this in most of my relationships.
If it’s true across the board, the problem is me.
Clearly the issue is my perception and not the situation.
Now, if you can get out from underneath the veil of this belief, you may want to look at the balance of your relationship.
Is it balanced in a way that works?
Do you give and show affection and support and fuck each other in ways that balance out and feel nourishing and supportive?
That’s a sane investigation to start.
You don’t even need to be unhappy for this to be a useful contemplation.
It will create more intimacy. Probably with each other. With yourself for sure.